Spoilers: Episode 2 LIEK WOAH
A/N: Immediate reaction fic to episode 2. Unbetaed. Un-re-read very carefully. It’s 3am on a Wednesday and I am once again writing fic. Sadly, not porn. But…this is my cliffhanger resolution. So there. Enjoy it. Hopefully. Yay!
He cannot watch this. He’s backing away before he even realizes what he might be about to see. And it’s not that he can’t see Blaine beat him and take the role from under him, that’s bad enough.
Blaine didn’t audition for Tony.
He didn’t. And he never said…
Kurt backs away and runs. Down stairs, a corridor. He’s so thankful school ended a half hour ago and there are only a half dozen students to stare and point and mock as he sniffles back tears he doesn’t entirely understand.
Blaine’s amazing. He sings and performs and…he’s amazing. Breathtaking. He makes Kurt’s throat tighten and his cheeks burn from smiling and all in a good way.
And it’s more amazing that he’s done this incredible unselfish thing and wasn’t even going to tell Kurt. He wasn’t going to tell him… Not amazing at all, really.
What, he was just going to wait until the call back sheets, the castings, were pinned up? And then pretend to be happy for Kurt? Except now, not? Now he’ll get the part of Tony and have to make his excuses.
Anger and frustration. The usual dose of humiliation. God, just, why? Why? Is it this hard for everyone? It isn’t. Kurt knows that.
But then Blaine’s face, when they asked. He hesitated, he flinched. God, Kurt hates himself more than ever for being sad and angry and hurt. He knows he should just be happy for his boyfriend. For the things he’s got. He feels selfish because he’s always scrambling after more. More of Blaine.
His amazing, talented boyfriend who just stole a role out from under him. A role that was never Kurt’s to begin with. They would have cast anyone over him.
Blaine finds him a second later, Kurt’s head buried in his locker, movement distraction just so no one bothers him and whether Blaine knows or not from behind, it’s a tentative, warm hand on his back. Is he about to break the news?
A stupidly broad smile while his eyes sting red and his cheeks flush and tears are obvious. Kurt hates that he cries.
“What?” Blaine asks. Earnest, worried. Fucking perfect. Kurt hates that, right now.
Betrayal and lies and better than him.
“What?” Blaine’s hands on his face, over wet cheeks. “What?” He looks around before he brushes hair off Kurt’s forehead and stares at him with his soul in his eyes. “What?” he pleads.
Kurt shakes his head, pulling back from Blaine’s hands. How can he care this much? When he just had the audition of his life? “Nothing!” Kurt says too brightly. “Nothing. How did you go?”
It’s a tight, “Fine? Now, what?”
Kurt worries his bottom lip. Then bites down hard on it and flinches back from Blaine’s hands raised again. The hurt in his boyfriend’s eyes is just too much and it spills over.
“How could you not audition for Tony?” Kurt mumbles, tears again and Blaine’s eyes—Kurt has no idea why—looking wet too. “Blaine? How?”
Blaine grabs his hand, grabs again when Kurt pulls back and sucks in a rattling breath, and drags him into an empty classroom. The door’s shut behind them with a too-loud slam and Blaine’s staring again with sharp, worried eyes.
“You saw my audition?” he asks.
“Yes and,” Kurt swallows down everything. All of it because it’s too much and too confusing and on some stupid level he knows he’s being over the top and crazy and…”Yes. And you were amazing. You’re…you’re the perfect Tony. Every note, every mark. Your voice and your face and…” He wipes angrily at his chin, tears slowing. “Why didn’t you audition for Tony?”
Blaine shakes his head. “I wanted you to have it,” he says simply. “I’ll have next year.”
Kurt shakes his head, distance between them, a few feet, as Kurt wraps his hands around his waist. “No. No, they’ll give it to anyone. Not me. They’ll give it to you now.” He stares for a second, head cocked, eyes bloodshot and nose twitching as he sniffles.
Blaine falls a little bit more in love and mentally kicks himself for ever thinking there was an upper limit on such things.
“Why?” And he reaches out but Kurt flinches back. “Why not you?”
Kurt sniffles again, the back of his hand angry across his nose. Chin too high in the air. “I heard them talking about it. I’m…” he rolls his eyes, half shrugs, purses his lips. He pretends he doesn’t believe it. “I’m too girly and delicate for Tony.”
Blaine swallows and it’s audible and visible in the movement of his throat.
“Kurt…” he just trails off. Reaching again. Missing as Kurt turns his hips off the table he’s leaning back on and starts pacing towards the back of the room.
“You should have told me you weren’t going to audition for Tony,” he says and it sounds…bitter. “And you’ll get it now anyway.”
“I don’t want it,” Blaine says, biting hard at the words, making Kurt turn to watch Blaine’s brow furrow and his arms cross tight over his stomach. “I don’t.”
“But you’ll get it.”
“I didn’t audition for it. You obviously walked out.” Oh god, bitter again. “But I said no. I told them I wasn’t interested.”
Kurt stares at him. Is he crazy? Is he…? “They’ll cast you anyway. You’re too good not to.”
“I don’t want it,” Blaine spits out. “If it makes you feel like this…” he trails off and casts a longing, desperate look and Kurt feels sorry for him. Kurt crosses and grabs his hand and holds tight.
“I’m just jealous,” Kurt says and it’s only half a lie. “I’m…” A gulping breath. “I’m not you. You’re versatile, I think that’s what they like to say. I’m not. I can play gay or girly or delicate. Not ever masculine gay. Just—“
Blaine drags him in, pulls him tight and close and kisses him as hard as he can. Teeth clinking, Kurt fighting it, just for a second, and then Blaine’s tongue in his mouth and he’s too used to falling into this to hesitate then, even with lips too dry and bruising. And then Kurt gives back as good as he gets. Kisses back hard and demanding and bites down at Blaine’s lip, his tongue, then sucks and breaks away breathless, ready to argue.
Blaine’s fingers over his lips. Shutting him up.
“You’re you. And you’re a man. You’re all man.” Blaine eyes dart down and they both blush—it’s ridiculous—but Blaine reaches down and hooks his fingers into Kurt’s pants and pulls him in tight and close until they can feel each other, body to body. “Man,” he breathes out, over Kurt’s lips. Then he lets go. “And if they can’t see how amazing you are. That you are going to take Broadway by storm. Then I want no part in this.”
Kurt rolls his eyes but is fighting back a smile. Damned electricity, friction, chemicals in his blood. He just kissed his boyfriend, pressed up hard against him, in a classroom. And Blaine’s still saying wonderful things.
“This is Ohio. They don’t understand talent at all. They look at me and see decent looking, can play straight, can sing. That’s all they want. There are millions of boys like me. And only one like you.” Blaine’s eyelashes sweep low and he blinks slow and blushes. “Take the role of Tony,” he begs, fingers caressing over Kurt’s mouth, over the soft skin of his belly where Blaine’s hand has managed to get beneath the material.
“You have no idea how amazing you are,” Kurt breathes and he means it in so many ways. But…”They won’t offer the role to me. They’d rather Finn. Or Puck. They’ll cast Mr Schuester before me. But not me. You take it.”
“I don’t—” Blaine starts again only to be cut off by Kurt’s mouth over his, pressing, once, almost chaste but for a flick of tongue and the heat of their cheeks against each other’s.
“I want to watch you,” Kurt whispers as he pulls back. “You’ll be amazing and I’ll get to sit backstage or in the audience or wherever and know you’re my…” he trails off, looks hard at Blaine and smiles softly. “You’re mine.”
“I didn’t audition…” Blaine trails off but Kurt can see the inner torment back across his face and shakes his head. Blaine wants this so badly. Kurt gives him a look, eyes telling him to stop arguing. “Only if you’re completely, completely sure.”
Kurt nods and swallows hard, just a pang of disappointment in his throat. “I want it,” he admits. “But…”
“Ohio can’t handle you,” Blaine quips, mouth a tight smile and he watches for Kurt’s reaction. “I mean that.” He waits a second, considers with his head cocked. “I have this…fantasy,” he tries on the word and watches Kurt’s mouth quirk up and his eyes brighten in the best of ways and files that away for later. “In New York. In ten years time. We go to The Tonys together.”
Kurt’s smile broadens and he still cares about now but then, ten years from now. Oh fuck it, five years. Just a few more years and it all seems so much better.
But Blaine shakes his head. “No,” he says, both hands now finding Kurt’s, fingers interlacing. “No,” he says again with a chuckle. “I’m always your date,” he says.
Kurt’s brow creases.
“You always take me and win some award or do some ridiculously fabulous opening number.” Blaine swallows because this is truly, exactly what he sees and they’ve talked about New York and forever but revealing this still feels dangerous. “You’re going to host The Tonys one day and I’m going to watch from the front row.”
Kurt falls in and kisses him, softer and longer, just presses of mouths and lips and promise. God, what did he do to deserve this?
“Take the role,” he pulls back and says, almost surprised to find himself meaning it. “Let me watch you now then.”
Blaine nods and smiles. “Okay.”
Kurt just nods, lips shifting into another smile and he admits: “Yeah it is.”